I feel like i am currently wallowing at the bottom of the pond. Opportunity comes and goes, but they never seem to be the right one or the one i am wishing for. Sometimes i reflect back and question if i made a right choice, i feel idle and helpless, just floating around without any directions but occasionally, the shining bright light came through my mist and i found what i wanted again. Actually from the start it never changes but it just was never really attained. And i did (at some point) gave it up and went for something else. I realize that moment as fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of whether i will be able to do good or not. Maybe those are just childish ramblings, but they sort of harm my chances anyway, so for that i blamed myself. However, the years that passed are not spent un-enjoyed :) I made happy discoveries and realize, everything might not be as sorrowful as it seems and i feel i can forgive myself again. Still, now i feel like i am the biggest idiot in the world once in a while and i seem to act like one once in a while too :'(

Life has been smooth to a point that it became stagnant. I am not saying i want it to be bumpy and full if obstacles, i just want to do something exciting for a change and so much so that i don't have to worry about anything and do not have to cast around aimlessly. I guess i feel pretty much insecure sometimes (actually most of the time) but my spread constantly tells me that i lack security so i suppose that's where it all comes from. When everything becomes so predictable, it becomes a routine and routine becomes dead, the things i do appeals with half the fun because it gets dull. The bottom line is i just need to do something exciting, maybe learn new things or really really take time off to have fun. Nowadays, i meet the usual gang once in a while for movies, its funny how every time we meet, its all rushing because i work so far away. I can now understand other's predicament when they had to leave the house early to take transport, (Y) There is only one thing i wanna say about the office's location, its JJANG... I can't go anywhere within half an hour because the time goes to waiting for the damn snail pace bus.  

Still, after complaining so much, i need to say that life has been good to me because i haven't had the setbacks so many unfortunate souls had to endure, so for that i am thankful and i know that if i wanna make life interesting, i had to make the first move, and maybe, just maybe, i might find a new talent or start a new hobby because all i had ever done till now is read. 

I feel like i am currently wallowing at the bottom of the pond. Opportunity comes and goes, but they never seem to be the right one or the one i am wishing for. Sometimes i reflect back and question if i made a right choice, i feel idle and helpless, just floating around without any directions but occasionally, the shining bright light came through my mist and i found what i wanted again. Actually from the start it never changes but it just was never really attained. And i did (at some point) gave it up and went for something else. I realize that moment as fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of whether i will be able to do good or not. Maybe those are just childish ramblings, but they sort of harm my chances anyway, so for that i blamed myself. However, the years that passed are not spent un-enjoyed :) I made happy discoveries and realize, everything might not be as sorrowful as it seems and i feel i can forgive myself again. Still, now i feel like i am the biggest idiot in the world once in a while and i seem to act like one once in a while too :'(

Life has been smooth to a point that it became stagnant. I am not saying i want it to be bumpy and full if obstacles, i just want to do something exciting for a change and so much so that i don't have to worry about anything and do not have to cast around aimlessly. I guess i feel pretty much insecure sometimes (actually most of the time) but my spread constantly tells me that i lack security so i suppose that's where it all comes from. When everything becomes so predictable, it becomes a routine and routine becomes dead, the things i do appeals with half the fun because it gets dull. The bottom line is i just need to do something exciting, maybe learn new things or really really take time off to have fun. Nowadays, i meet the usual gang once in a while for movies, its funny how every time we meet, its all rushing because i work so far away. I can now understand other's predicament when they had to leave the house early to take transport, (Y) There is only one thing i wanna say about the office's location, its JJANG... I can't go anywhere within half an hour because the time goes to waiting for the damn snail pace bus.  

Still, after complaining so much, i need to say that life has been good to me because i haven't had the setbacks so many unfortunate souls had to endure, so for that i am thankful and i know that if i wanna make life interesting, i had to make the first move, and maybe, just maybe, i might find a new talent or start a new hobby because all i had ever done till now is read.